


Suehiro e seus dois amantes

by RedRoseCarnage



Series: Suehiro's life [4]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Childhood Memories, Forgiveness, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love/Hate, M/M, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, POV First Person, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 09:54:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16762816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedRoseCarnage/pseuds/RedRoseCarnage
Summary: Trying to cope with his past,Suehiro's childhood memories come back after him. He needs to deal with them or else they'll seriously affect his present and future with his current boyfriend Kouta.





	Suehiro e seus dois amantes

He doesn't know about it. Kouta,I mean. Actually,I don't think he should know about this,it'll  
only make things worse between us. Yeah,he doesn't have to know I love another man besides him.  
He shouldn't worry though,they'll never have to fight for my love.   
Because one of them is already dead. Hideaki,my dear first lover.

Still,I can't stop loving him. Even if only getting hurt,I stayed by your side. Even when I had  
to lie to myself,saying things like 'I asked for this' or 'It's not his fault',I stayed by your  
side. Even when I had to disobey my parents just so I could see you,I stayed by your side.  
I always stayed by your side,even when I wasn't allowed to go to your house anymore because I had  
told my dad about it. I recall you being very angry with me; I'm sorry,I was just a stupid child.  
I wasn't able to understand the kind of love you wanted to give me back then,so I got scared.  
I'm sorry. But you were also very cruel. You made me love you and only you,even after you died.  
I loved every bit of you.   
I loved the tone of your voice,kindly calling my name from your livingroom.  
I loved how you knew exactly what to do with your hands,gently caressing my skin,me completely   
yours at that point. You were capable of controlling me just with those hands.  
I loved when you whispered in my ear those fake promises,telling me you loved me and that I could  
go live with you after my dad had left. I loved how I believed in all of them.  
I loved the sweet touch of your lips and the almost orgasmic twists your tongue gave,making me   
want you even more. And I know you too wanted me,everytime we met.

So,how come you left me so suddenly without saying goodbye? Without apologizing? Without telling  
you did love me back when I was a child? Why did you move out of nowhere and left me with that  
woman? You knew she hated me. This was so selfish of you. First,because you moved out without  
even telling me. Second,you left me alone forever. Why? Why couldn't you contact me one last  
time? Why couldn't you take me in and have things be the way they were before you died?

Because now,I'll never know. I'll never know what you trully felt for me,if you did love me or if  
this was just a game for you. Guess I'll just have to believe in your fake promises again,right.  
Have in mind that I'll never be able to forget you or stop loving you,because you were trully   
important in my life despite the abuse and all that shit. Even with the rape and molestations,  
I won't stop loving you. Since that appears to be my curse: loving someone I can't have and also,  
loving someone who trully fucked me up.

Poor Kouta. He'd be kinda mad if I told him I still love my lover/abuser. Especially when he's   
dead already.He's been so happy with his new job lately,I don't wanna ruin the mood with my   
depressive life and shitty things that happened to me. Even though,I feel bad about it.  
Sometimes,I feel like I love Hideaki,who's dead,more than my living boyfriend Kouta.  
And this is why I hate you,because you messed with me so much I think you broke me Hideaki-san.


End file.
